Just found this while curiously searching at ‘Christian’ posts on the blogging site Tumblr. Nothing’s directly helped me, but I think I’m slowly getting somewhere…
Over the last few weeks, or months I should put, I have been extremely wobbily and confused about my faith’s health.
- I haven’t been to Church since around April/May.
- I have been trying to fight off my pyschological problems that I helplessly suffer from – help from my lovely cousin didn’t work, this has led me onto feeling a sense of:
- Betrayal. I listen to everyone who’s Christian, but then I seem to forget. It all comes down to my negative thinking. Additionally, on the 10th October 2010 (yes, 10/10/10) I was confirmed. That was my own choice. That was my destiny. I’ve gone back to the start. I haven’t been as committed as I first thought I would’ve been. It seems why deeds, words, actions, have all gone to waste. I’ve upset and lost a best friend (keeping that deeply person) who I could’ve made Christian. But no. God has let us have a bad relationship, back into our bad ways.
- Just crap. Utter crap.
- Praying – I fail so bad. I lie. I say I’ll pray but I don’t. I mean, come on, I deserved to be punished. I’m such a disappointment.
- I just don’t know what to do. I’m sitting waiting for God to do something. I can’t shout out – I only get these strong negative images again.
- I’m trapped.
- Help? 😦
I am NOT asking for sympathy.
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